Was your teenage daughter in a weird mood last night and this morning? And by weird mood I mean crashing around the house, leaving teen daughter-shaped holes in the walls, weeping and shrieking and blubbering sad things to the dog?
Well, I can explain why: It seems that Harry Styles, the shaggy-haired chief heartthrob of boy band One Direction, has been seen smooching a new lady friend in Oslo, Norway. She’s an 18-year-old student named Camilla Foss, a fan of the band who caught Harry’s eye and was seen meeting him at his hotel before taking him to a party on a bus full of 1D fans.
There, things “got pretty sweaty,” according to some weird creep. It’s possible things got sweaty just because it was a bunch of people on a bus, but it’s also quite likely that other things occurred. The young people of Twitter are, as expected, freaking out, some issuing fatwas against this Camilla person, some urging fellow fans to calm down, and others celebrating the silver lining: Hey, at least it was a fan, right? Meaning if one fan can get it, maybe any fan can!
I mean, probably not your daughter, who is currently doing the Three Stooges walk in circles on the floor thing, sobbing and saying “No no no no.” She might not be quite Harry’s type. But some other fan maybe. Just maybe. But none of this really matters, right? We all know that after the little rumor planting operation, Harry went straight back to his hotel room and climbed back into bed with Louis, where they watched a couple episodes of The West Wing on their iPad before falling asleep. They’re like old marrieds, those two.”